rainy day for me, but a bad week for others

woke up to rain and dreariness and went back to bed for 30 more minutes.

i hate going to work when it's rainy. rainy days are good for only three things:
1. spring flowers.
2. staying at home and sleeping.
3. staying at home and reading.

it's a dreary day for me, but not exactly bad. but it's been a bad week for my left index finger (aka miss left pointer). i burned her on a pan sunday when i was cooking, and just when she was recovering from that, i sliced her this morning on my umbrella. (don't ask. i'm spectacularly gifted at hurting myself.)

as i was sitting at the stop light, sucking my finger b/c it hurt and i had no band aid, i realized that miss left has had a worse week than i have had. i needed to suck it up and have a sunny disposition on this rainy day b/c some people (and fingers) were having worse days than i.

on that note, one of my grandmother's best friends died sunday. she was a cousin down the line somewhere -- i was always told to call her cousin lena. she lived next door to my grandmother -- granny -- until she had a stroke about 6 years ago. granny's lived in her house for 50 years; cousin lena was living in her house when my grandfather built theirs.

granny and cousin lena were great friends and their kids played together and were great friends. when i was young and stayed at granny's house after school, i used to ride bikes and play with one of cousin lena's grandsons (kevin), who stayed after school at her house. cousin lena was always soo kind to me. every afternoon, when we came in after playing "bus driver" on our bikes, cousin lena would give us lemonade and cookies. i always picked the butter cookies or the sandwich cookies with lemon filling. i always liked to put the butter cookies on my fingers (they had holes in the middle) and wear them like rings.

after kevin and i grew up and stopped playing over her house, she always asked about me and was so glad to see me when i stopped by. i feel bad that for the past few years, i've always been too busy, too wrapped up in my own self, to go see her.

nevertheless, i will always have the memory of her smile, small plastic tumblers filled with cold lemonade and flower shaped butter cookies.

maryann update

suckage on maryann's budget reform.
i went to the grocery store yesterday and bought much more than essentials. i rationalized my behavior by saying it fits in my new budget ($50/week for groceries) and i also used coupons. but so much for eating everything in my house first.
i also violated the terms of both my blog budget plan and my "new" budget plan as far as entertainment is concerned -- i bought a cd friday and 2 dvds this morning.
i have a problem. i need to block all media websites until i have a stockpile of money.
i mean, i am in no form or fashion destitute; i have money in a couple other accounts. but i'm trying to learn how to live on a set amount of money and wick away money from that set amount while i'm at it. and i'm soooo sucking at it right now. i have no self control.
....and speaking of lack of self control, i've decided to burn the yoga/pilates dvd (or "yoagalates," as the annoying instructor calls it) i bought a couple of weeks ago, as
(a) i can't take the instructor seriously
(b) the instructor instructs me to do things that i don't understand
(c) i don't feel like i'm doing anything productive, as the instructor is vapid and gives me instructions to do things i don't understand and therefore don't do.
i've had my first lesson in quality, not quantity (as in the quantity of money i have to pay for it) is sometimes better. i'm just mad that i spent money on some bama-ass exercise bands in the process.
i've now bought a yoga dvd that comes highly recommended and will still tone and strengthen my body.

you better get yourself together..

after a spending binge on ebay, i am now putting myself on spending haitus.
other than perishable essentials, like milk, butter and bread, i am not buying any groceries for the next 2 weeks.
i am not spending any money on entertainment, including movie tickets, dvds and cds.
i am not buying any outside food. given that my usual chilling buddies are no longer on the same schedule as me (:( tear!), that shouldn't be as big of an issue.

only allowable expenditures from now until indefinitely are:
bills.
(as stated before) essential perishables.
gas.

...did you know?

did you know that the kid who played brian johnson in the breakfast club (anthony michael thomas) is the same guy that plays the lead on that cheesy show on usa, the dead zone?
that's funny.
i love imdb.
and while i love the breakfast club, i think it sucks that everybody hooks up except for brian. does brian not get any love?

i feel blue.

my girlfriend left yesterday.

the first two days are always hard after she leaves. there are always little reminders of her about the apartment(her towel hanging on my bathroom door, her toothbrush, the fan she placed at the window to "improve circulation") and my bed is suddenly too big for just me.

as a result, i am reduced to a pathetic mess, tearing up at seeing her wash cloth hanging in the shower, searching for her smell in her pillow and generally seeking out haiku to give me comfort. every time she leaves, my general state of sadness makes me think of rachel's voice in the friends episode where ross announces he's getting married to emily. therefore the title. there's so much melancholy in that one phrase ("i feel blue") that i completely relate to.

i feel like such a punk. how can one person affect me so deeply? i should be over this crap anyway...it's been almost 2 years with this girl.

a la the church lady:

top three movies i saw this summer:
1. garden state
2. hero
3. farenheit 9/11

discuss. :)

i'm baaack...

i know i’ve been away for way too long. the last two weeks have been hectic.
i’ve been doing one of my least favorite activities, reporting, for the last two weeks, so my schedule has been screwy and by the time i come home, i’ve usually been too disgusted to even think about putting my thoughts on paper (or more appropriately, online, as the case may be).
i’ve also been sick. my dear girlfriend visited me two weeks ago and gave me her cold while she was here (something to remember her by, she said). and a minor cold mutated into a horribly nasty cold that turned into an ear infection.
so yeah. i’ve had a lovely two weeks.
given that it’s been two weeks since i’ve been online to vent, i have oodles to talk about:

1. right wing nonsense. it is my duty as a rational, sane human being to highlight the nonsense that is going on with some people who pledge allegiance to bush and the republican party. namely, sherri dew and donnie mcclurkin, two people on the stage at the RNC this week. these two people are sad examples of what the republican party is about.
   one, sherri dew, spews hate and intolerance. in february, she spoke on threats to the “natural, traditional family,” equating advocates for gay marriage to advocates for hitler’s policies in the 1930s. gee, that’s a solid argument. two people wanting to commit to each other and create a loving family is exactly what hitler wanted. i just do not understand why people see gay marriage as such a threat to their lives. hell, the institution of marriage needs all the help it can get.
   the other, donnie mcclurkin, is just a poor misguided man. quoted in newsday as a “former gay man,” this preacher and gospel singer said that by being hetrosexual, he “broke the curse of homosexuality.” to be shaped by warped interpretations of religious dogma so much that one denies their sexuality and then strongly speak against those who embrace theirs is simply sad.
   and he has also encouraged his denomination to vote for dubya.


2. a moment of silence. my favorite pair of navy blue dress shoes died tuesday. the killer - the streets of new york. they were a stylish, trusty companion for 6 years. and now, i have nothing to wear with my navy blue outfits. i’m at a loss for what to do in their absence. i am taking donations and cards at my email address. i’ll have an appropriate memorial when i have recovered from my grief.
   
3. the pain of rejection i tried to give blood today and was shot down. i’m going to start to develop a complex. every time i have tried to donate blood (4 times now), i’ve been denied, for different reasons each time. attempt #1, i didn’t weigh enough. attempt #2, i had low blood pressure (i think the girl didn’t know what she was doing that time; i’ve never had problems with my blood pressure!). #3, i had just gotten a tattoo (nevermind i got it at a place that uses disposable needles). and now, #4, i’m nixed b/c i’m taking antibiotics.
   i’m starting to think that this whole blood shortage thing they keep talking about is a sham. they’ve turned down my quality blood in three different states on 4 different occassions. i’m just trying to help, man.
   i think the saddest moment was when i had to take off the “be nice to me! it’s my first time!” sticker. i had a brief urge to cry.


4. movie of the week.everyone must go see hero. i saw it last night and was wowed. the fighting was great, but it took a backseat to the plot that kept me guessing, but didn’t seem contrived, the beautiful use of color and cinematography and the heart wrenching love story that had me bawling. i don’t know when is the last time a movie made me cry like that.... it was an emotionally and visually stunning movie.