happy new year's folks.

i've been in a mood, but alas, i can part with my stinky mood to impart a little holiday cheer. i'm gonna probably be too drunk later to say this, so:
happy new year! :D

eh

i have plenty of stuff in draft mode ready to be posted (after some tweakage) and plenty of time right now to do it (work's running somewhat slow today), but i really don't feel like posting right now.

i think i'm going thru a post-christmas, over-worked funk. i'll try and post tomorrow.

friday random tenfourteen

stole the idea from feministe, who i think stole it from someone else.

1. graduation day, kanye west
2. i get lonely, janet jackson
3. by the way, red hot chili peppers
4. interlude: twisted elegance, janet jackson
5. the nutcracker, op. 71 no. 11: clara and prince charming
6. say you will, brandy
7. confessions part ii remix, usher
8. 40 ft. franz ferdinand
9. since you've been gone (baby baby sweet baby), aretha franklin
10. you're all i need to get by, aretha franklin
11. rain, janet jackson
12. higher, creed
13. 4 leaf clover erykah badu
14. don't pass me by, the beatles

can i just say that i'm mad that of my "random" selection:
21% of the songs are interludes (graduation day, twisted elegance, rain), one-third of which are janet songs
21% of the songs are janet songs
14% are aretha franklin songs (since you've been gone, you're all i need to get by -- which are played back to back, by the way)
and one of the songs i actually hate (confessions part ii remix -- the rat-looking bastard jermaine dupri gets on my effin' nerves.)

i'll probably make another post today, but just in case i don't, merry christmas y'all. i'm flying home tonight, where there's only dial-up, so i'll be back monday.

santa, the man, the myth

here's my in-depth interview with santa (via aim). he doesn't answer a lot of questions, but that evasiveness reveals almost as much as answered questions would.
post-interview comments are in italics.

Evrybodylvslola: hi santa
SantaClaus: Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! I'm here on AIM! :-D Everything we talk about here is between you and me! If you want to know more, you can type "privacy". Now, streeeeetch that window and let's get started.
So, have you been naughty or nice?
Evrybodylvslola: nice! (gotta put the old man at ease.)
SantaClaus: Outstanding! I'm very happy to hear that! O:-) Everyone on my Good List gets a special gift here on Dec. 22! Now, type menu to enjoy the fun and games the elves have here on AIM for you.
Evrybodylvslola: how's mrs. claus?
SantaClaus: How, what? I'm an old(ish) man. ;-)
Evrybodylvslola: how is mrs. claus?
SantaClaus: Wonderfull! That's very kind of you to ask. Have you tried some of her holiday recipes yet?
Evrybodylvslola: no
SantaClaus: Help spread holiday cheer with some of these great recipes:
AOL Food
Evrybodylvslola: i don't want to bake.
SantaClaus: Mm hm. Such negativity. You are in need of some Christmas spirit!
Evrybodylvslola: i am in the christmas spirit
SantaClaus: The spirit of Christmas is the spirit of wonder, of youth, of care and of giving that binds all of us.
Evrybodylvslola: that's nice
SantaClaus: Wonderful!
Evrybodylvslola: how is rudolph?
SantaClaus:
Rudolph's nose stopped blinking but it was because of his cold. He's all better now and roaring to go! Donner, Blitzen and the whole gang are chomping at the bit to see everyone.
:-)
Evrybodylvslola: how are you able to get to every house in one night?
SantaClaus: What does this have to do with spreading the Christmas spirit?
Evrybodylvslola: it doesn't.
SantaClaus: Hmm. Why don't you type, music, maybe that will put you in the Christmas spirit :-)
Evrybodylvslola: i don't want to.
SantaClaus: Well, we won't get very far with this conversation then will we?
Evrybodylvslola: why are you trying to direct me to aol products?
SantaClaus:
You're full of mischief.
;-)
Evrybodylvslola: are you aol's bitch?
SantaClaus: Hmm, that's a lump of coal for you.
Evrybodylvslola: i was just asking a question. dang santa.
SantaClaus:
That's why the elves and I are here!
;-)
Evrybodylvslola: well then, answer my question.
SantaClaus: Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away. Why don't you type music and sing along.
Evrybodylvslola: i don't want to sing!
SantaClaus:
Oh, don't be like that -- just ask another way.
:-)
Evrybodylvslola: who's your favorite reindeer? (change topics, change the pace.)
SantaClaus: I have lots of favorite things, but I need a little more information. Favorite, what?
Evrybodylvslola: reindeer!
SantaClaus: Oh, I cannot pick a favorite.
Evrybodylvslola: oh you lie. (gotta call him on his bs.)
SantaClaus:
Yes, way.
;-)
Evrybodylvslola: that doesn't make sense.
SantaClaus:
Oh, I cannot pick a favorite.
;-)
Evrybodylvslola: do you have kids? (when you hit a dead end, go to another hard-hitting question.)
SantaClaus:
Well, I think of every child as part of my family.
;-)
Evrybodylvslola: did you and mrs. claus have infertility problems?
SantaClaus: Pardon me?
Evrybodylvslola: infertility problems? are you shooting blanks?
SantaClaus:
My goodness! Get serious.
:-D
Evrybodylvslola: i am serious!
SantaClaus: Mm hm, now we are getting somewhere.
Evrybodylvslola: um, no we're not...
SantaClaus: No?
Evrybodylvslola: no.
SantaClaus: O.K. then. Well, have a merry Christmas in any case.
Evrybodylvslola: well, thank you.
SantaClaus: Anytime. That's what I am here for. Ho Ho Ho!
Evrybodylvslola: have you ever used drugs?
SantaClaus: Can I ask YOU something?
Evrybodylvslola: yeah...
SantaClaus: Have you donated your time or money to anyone who is really in need this year?
Evrybodylvslola: yes..
SantaClaus: Excellent! That makes me so happy! Just wanted to be sure you were on it! Type menu now to get back to the fun and games.
Evrybodylvslola: now don't avoid the questions. have you ever used drugs?
SantaClaus: Type menu to get your to do list for the holidays.
Evrybodylvslola: well, i guess this convo's over.
SantaClaus: Without a doubt?
Evrybodylvslola: um, unless you will answer some hard-hitting questions.
SantaClaus: Sorry the elves didn't get that. ;-)
Evrybodylvslola: will you answer my questions?
SantaClaus: Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it? Try typing menu; I've got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.
Evrybodylvslola: you can't trick me santa..
SantaClaus: Ah -- you've got me again. Why don't you type menu, it's time to get you in the holiday spirit!
Evrybodylvslola: have you ever been unfaithful to mrs. claus?
SantaClaus: Alright now. I'm here to spread Christmas cheer -- so use this time wisely and type carefully. ;-) Here's quick way to get in the Christmas spirit; type, menu.
Evrybodylvslola: well, obviously you're not gonna answer my questions. so i'll leave.
SantaClaus: Take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. O.K. ?
Evrybodylvslola: have you had sex with someone other than your wife?
SantaClaus: I can't talk about that with you. Elves are here.
Evrybodylvslola: so elves stay like children?
SantaClaus: I've got all I can handle.
Evrybodylvslola: sometimes your responses don't make sense. are you high?
SantaClaus: Well I speak every language and coordinate the largest supply chain on Earth. So I think that's a stretch.
Evrybodylvslola: that'd be even more reason for you to be high, all of that stress. how do you deal with stress? how do you blow off steam?
SantaClaus: Whoa! Ho! Ho! slow down there! That's quite a lot for a man of my age to wrap his head around. Would you mind trying some shorter questions?
Evrybodylvslola: how do you deal with stress?
SantaClaus: Well what do you think?
Evrybodylvslola: i don't know. that's why i'm asking you.
SantaClaus:
If you start spreading the Christmas spirit, it will be come obvious.
;-)
Evrybodylvslola: whatever man. you're talking nonsense.
SantaClaus: What, indeed!
Evrybodylvslola: bye santa.
SantaClaus: Merry, merry Christmas to you! Good bye.

bloggity blog blog

HIlarious post on a blog called scamboogah.
here's a taste:

From The Desk Of Donald Rumsfeld

Dear Sir or Madam,

It is with a fair to medium amount of regret that I have to take the time out of my busy schedule to inform you of the useless condition of 'terminated' that your son/daughter has recently attained. It must be just awful to lose a loved one so suddenly, but if I were poor like you and had no other options than to send my kids off to war or to send them to work at WalMart, I'd probably be used to disappointment by now.

he also seems to share my distaste for michelle malkin. heee.

yes, i'm blogging like crazy today. hush up.

found this enlightening post from chepooka's blog, which i got to thanks to aroundthewaygirl's blog (this girl is fuuuuunnny), which i got from sid's blog. gotta put these folks in my blog list and get rid of some others (negro, please where'd you go?!).

a roundabout way of referring?
maybe.

do i care?
no. gotta give credit where credit's due. and besides, we had cake and champagne today at work and i must say i'm embarassingly a little loopy right now. i'm discreet tho. i stumble and giggle when i'm sober, so these folks wouldn't be able to spot a little slight tipsiness in me...

yes, i am a dork.

maryann = excited.
why, you may ask?

i just pre-ordered harry potter #6.

never mind it's not coming out until july 16, 2005....

i'm still excited tho.

tuesday morning

i got most of the gifts that i needed to absolutely indubitably have in before christmas sent today.. haven't quite gotten aalll of my presents, but i can safely say that i am 92% done with everything.
tonight's goal: round 1 of cookie bakeage. instead of finding a gift for those special co-workers, i figured i'd regale them all with suagr and fat-laden goodies. i'm shooting for delivery tomorrow (and monday for my boss boss and his secretary, since they're out this week), but we'll see how it goes.
went to cpk for the 2nd time in 4 days and got the same thing i got four days, ago, chicken garlic pizza. absolutely loved it and i don't care that i may have a cpk problem.
"hi. my name is maryann and i'm a pizza-holic."
"hi maryann!"

***
anyhoo, excited about going home for christmas, but also slightly nervous about getting there on time. debating between driving and a taxi and leaning toward driving, since i don't know exactly when i'll be getting out on friday. my mom then called me today and asked me if i could bake a cake when i come in friday... i of course said yes, but does she realize that i'm going to be coming in friday night from WORKING ALL DAY and i'll probably be dead ass tired?
i gets no sympathy.

monday math lesson

had to go take the woman (aka my boo) to the airport this morning before work. translated into all sorts of stress-inducing factors/events:

1. snow = snow on the roads = accidents (luckily all had cleared by the time we got to wherever accidents were)
2. no wiper fluid = caked on salt and muck on the windshield that wouldn't come off, leaving a haze on my windshield (hard to see when you're driving east and the sun is beaming onto the glass)
3. woman's flight at 11:10 = much rushage, including stress of stupid drivers and reasons 1 & 2
4. woman forgets which airport she's flying out of while i'm driving down the LIE and left the itinerary in the back of the car = make the turn to jfk, finally able to pull over and find out she's actually flying out of laguardia = have to trun around and finagle
5. reasons 1, 2, 3, 4 = late for work, AGAIN

all i want to do now is go home and nap, but alas, i have to be a grown up and work so that i can pay for all the gifts, etc. that i bought this weekend... grrr.

on another front, my bottom left wisdom tooth has decided to start a turf war with its neighboring teeth, resulting in much pain for me. i need to go to the dentist, but i'm not gonna go to 'till next week. if i go now, they're probably gonna tell me i need to get my wisdom teeth out NOW. i have no time for that kind of mess until the new year. yaaaaay avoidance!

one little christmas tree

i decorated my tree yesterday. it's definitely down-scale from the family tree, but it's definitely an impressive "my first christmas tree."

two looks:


my tree!! 


the artsy look (aka without flash) 

happy chrismahanakwanzaaka folks! :D
(and i got almost allll of my christmas shopping last night and today! whoooo hooo)

avoiding painful death

so, i'm sitting at work, trying to avoid doing work, but i didn't feel like posting on the things i've been meaning to post (hair dresser rantage, women and minorities in the media) b/c i'm feeling too lazy. so during my usual trolling of my favorite blogs, i came upon this. and since i was commanded to repeat my own version on my own blog or risk a painful death, here it is:

Three names you go by:
1. m
2. mj
3. phareezy (that's my professional name...sike!:D)

Three screen names you have:
1. evrybodylvslola
2. prplegyrl (old, old, aol name that i never use now)
3. missjames (do email prefixes count?)

Three things you like about yourself :
1. my intelligence
2. my goofiness
3. my booty (i must say that i do have quite a spectacular ass)

Three things you hate/dislike about yourself:
1. my tendency to procrastinate (see previous entry)
2. my shyness
3. my compulsion to please others

Three parts of your heritage:
1. black
2. white (given the number of light-complected people in my family -- myself included -- there's gotta be some white folks in the wood pile. in fact most of my family is so light that i didn't know i was light-skinned until i went to high school. (i'm the color of a cup of cafe au lait))
3. spanish? (if i remember correctly from my uncle's genealogical pursuits, way back when, we had roots in spain. don't ask me where that came from.)

Three things that scare you:
1. failure. personal, professional, you name it. it's been driving me since i was 12.
2. roaches. most bugs are ok -- i don't love bugs, but i can handle most. but the thought of creepy bugs that eat anything, can survive almost anything and multiply like rabbits just creep me the fuck out.
3. dependence. i don't like having to depend on people (i was raised by my mother to be very independent), which can be both a good thing and a bad thing.

Three of your everyday essentials:
1. computer w/ internet access -- i'm an e-mail/blog/news freak. i check my email(s)every 20 minutes, it seems, when i'm at work.
2. a cup of ice and a bottle of coke (with alarmingly increasing regularity). i was raised in a pepsi household. when did this happen?! but it is soooo good.
3. my ipod. before a week ago when haiku fucked up my ear buds -- she'd been eyeing them like a jealous older sister since i brought the baby home

Three things you are wearing right now:
1. black-rimmed glasses with tape on the end. i sat on them this week and haven't gotten to the eyeglass place. yes. i'm a fat ass. and sporting the nerdy look now.
2. my newsday badge. essential to get into and walk around my place of employment. i look like i'm high on my badge photo, but whatever.
3. light blue socks. they don't match what i'm wearing AT ALL, but i run out of good socks quickly. it was at the top of my christmas list to my mom!

Three of your favorite bands/artists at the moment:
1. coldplay, the perennial favorite, has been making a comeback; i've been listening to them nonstop in my car for the last two weeks.
2. bjork
3. mos def (more of the old school stuff than the recent stuff, altho that's cool too)

Three of your favorite songs at present:
1. lord help me, but snoop dogg, "drop it like it's hot"
2. coldplay, "the scientist" -- a beautiful song the video is so sad!
3. fiona apple -- "extraordinary machine" (it's a leaked track from her unreleased, seemingly never to be released album)

Three new things you want to do in the next 12 months:
1. go on vacation somewhere i haven't been before.
2. start investing.
3. finish the stitch n bitch book/become adept in all knitting techniques

Three things you want in a relationship:
1. sense of humor
2. attraction (gotta have that spark!)
3. space -- being an only child, i've gotta have me time.

Two truths and a lie:
1. i have 3 tattoos.
2. i was 6 when i got sick for the first time.
3. i had braces for 3 years.

Three physical things about the oppositesame sex that appeal to you:
1. eyes. gotta have pretty eyes.
2. booty... as i have a fine ass, i love a nice booty.
3. neck.. i was a vampire in a past life.

Three things you just can't do:
1. be ordered/organized
2. be patient.
3. do anything science-related (blecch)

Three of your favorite hobbies:
1. reading
2. writing
3. knitting
(i sound like a ball of fun, huh?)

Three things you want to do really badly right now:
1. leave work.
2. get all my christmas stuff done (shopping/wrapping/shipping)
3. have a niice margarita
4. the horizontal hokey pokey ;D

Three careers you're considering:
1. women's studies professor/author/guru
2. media mogul (focused on print media)
3. lottery winner

Three places you want to go on vacation:
1. egypt
2. france
3. japan
4. brazil

Three kids names:
1. ibis
2. michael
3. dora

Three things you want to do before you die:
1. write a book
2. have a child
3. get married and grow old with my partner (and have all the responsibilities and benefits that come with it)

FourThree people who have to take this quiz now or die painfully:
1. sheryl
2. naeemah
3. emerald
4. urs (even tho she hasn't even written 1 entry in her blog yet!!)

blast it.

it seems that i waited too long to do my online shopping.

i was livin it up on amazon; i got almost alll of my christmas shopping done, and then i realized that half the stuff i bought (non-amazon stuff) wouldn't be guaranteed to get there before the 24th. which is noo good, since i have to mail almost all of my gifts this year.

blast it.

so now it seems i'm gonna have to bear the rush of the crowds and go to the malls to get my gifts. boo.

pray for me.

weekend wrap up

i just took this quiz that was up on sid's blog, which she got from saffron:

You are a double espresso at three AM.

You are the tortured, nail-biting essence of
coffee. You see visions. You could change the
world if only you were up at the same time as
everyone else. You have created a programming
language that throws errors if the code is not
written in iambic pentameter, and you are
infuriated by the typos in the new edition of
Ulysses. You practice sarcasm as a
form of tantric sex, and your cats have
doctorates. You believe in virgin sacrifice in
a good cause.


What kind of coffee are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

in other news, the mominator came up this weekend, with my cousin. i had such big plans, we would go shopping, paint nyc red and cook a fabulous dinner which we would enjoy with my friends and everyone would applaud my culinary prowess.

weeeelll, it didn't quite work out that way.

the shopping turned out to be fantastic. thanks to my levely newspaper job, we found out some cool out-of-the-way places that offered great deals and my mom got allll of her christmas shopping in two days. it was great.
as for painting nyc red? well, we missed the lirr train looking for a parking spaced and had to wait 30 minutes in the cold to catch the next train. we got to the city (it was my cousin's first time in the city, so we had to do it up) went to rockefeller center, happened upon the saks fifth avenue snowflake show (which was very, very cool), took a picture of my cousin in front of nbc, and caught a cab to go catch whoopi's show on broadway. found the theatre, was an hour ahead of time (more for my mom's benefit, who happens to be a worry wart) and breezed into the lobby to get tickets.
the couple ahead of me was talking about a cancelled show. when they got to the window, the woman huffed, "so, what can we do?" i figured they were trying to get tickets to tonight's show b/c a previous show was cancelled. they took care of their affairs, and went on their way. i then went to the ticket man and gave him my name. he then handed me a receipt and said, "it's already beeen charged to your account."
...why did it take me until we got outside (as i wondered why i only had a receipt and no tickets) to realize that our show was cancelled?!
stankin whoopi.
my mom and cousin drove alllll the way up here from virginia to see whoopi, and she stood them up.
stankin whoopi.

at any rate, we wandered around times square (my cousin took tons of pictures), we ended up eating at ollie's (after an ominous looking man at carmine's said they were only taking people who had reservations), where my cousin and i got sloshed while my mom shook her head. my mom got swindled into buying a diantetics book, and a good time was had by all.

sunday, my mom bought me groceries and christmas stuff for my house (incl. lights and a tree), and i nearly burned down my balcony grilling salmon (but it turned out good...) and she finished off her christmas shopping.

the lesson of this weekend?
one absent whoopi don't stop no show.

so take that whoopi!!

...and another one

as usual, i write frantically for 2 days, then i'm essentially gone for a week. bear with me, folks. i'm going thru my usual blog slump; as i've said before, this is my third blog; the other two eventually died b/c i never recovered from the slump i'm now experiencing.
at any rate, it's time for a rousing round of maryann ramblage, which is chock full of news, links and rantage.
....and off we go:

politics 'n stuff
one more reason to move to canada. it just irritates me that our country goes all up in arms to fiercely "protect" marriage, when our neighbors to the north unanimously decide that gay people should be able to officially commit, too. of course, they also were against the farce in iraq too. ::sigh::

i must say that i'm tired of reading about blue and red states. nonetheless, i was at this cute cafe in d.c. this weekend that my girlfriend introduced me to, which while having a bangin! chai, cool mugs and wonderfully nice people (this guy moved to another singleton's table so my boo and i could sit together), had an interesting essay/graphic posted about the reality of the red v. blue map.
it argues that the traditional map makes it seem like our country is a "red" country, when in reality, if shown proportionally, it is actually split in half. an enlightening (and less disheartening) read, imho.

and speaking of political discourse (ok, i hadn't been speaking of it, but this is, damnit), i must reiterate that i am in awe of feministe and sid .. they are constantly producing blogs that have a great mix of funny real-life experiences (a la feministe's paintshop drawings of her sleeping arrangements and sid's proclaimed love for turkey) and still wage intelligent, well-thought-out arguments on politics, etc.). i figure if i gush enough about them, i'll get constant shout outs from the two of them and somehow, by being remotely associated with them, some of their excess intelligence will rub off on me.
at any rate, go read their blogs if you haven't already. their choice.

on the topic of readable blogs, i was reading sid's comment on right bloggers, and her rec of ambra's blog. while i did at one point love her blog, the rift/pain has not healed; since the election, i seem to have gotten more sensitive and have become less able to take the viewpoints of people on the right, no matter how well-written blogs like ambra's are. i respect her (and others') right to their opinions, but i guess i'm just tired of hearing people say that people like me are contrary to god's natural design, that women don't have a right to choose what happens to their own body, and that generally liberals are loose, freewheeling people that will lead to the destruction of our country.
i know that some of these are extreme arguments, and i know that ambra actually sets her beliefs in rational arguments, i just can't read anything like that right now.

other news
a touching story about a gorilla wake at an illinois zoo. a beautifully sad look at the care these gorillas took to pay respects to one of their own.
and in the too dumb to be real category, the story of a man who thought he could get away from the scene of a crime on a lawnmower.

miscellaneous
i'm overdue to bitch about salons and the difficulty black women face for hair diddage. i'll do that tomorrow.

i'm also overdue on getting together my book and christmas gifts. i need to get on the on, as l-ron says.

a typical day at work

i was sitting at my desk, looking up alternate words for the word problem when i stumbled upon this:

Entry: problem drinker
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: alcoholic
Synonyms: barfly, chronic alcoholic, chronic drunk, dipsomaniac, drunkard, hard drinker, heavy drinker, hooch hound, lush, pathological drinker, soak
Source: Roget's New Millennium Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.1.1)
Copyright 2004 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved.

note to self: keep list away from mom, as she will have myriad new names to call me.*

*all in jest, of course. my mom is actually very supportive and loving.

and it never ends

that damn gwen stefani cd is pretty damn catchy.

i have another song stuck in my head today, which is battling with this song for dominence in my brain right now.

i know you can't really tell the songs' quality by the lyrics, but just listen to them twice, and you'll be hooked. gwennie sure knows how to make a frothy catchy dance cd that doesn't make you roll your eyes every 2 minutes.

....can we also talk about andre3000's alter ego, johnny vulture?

only in a copy editing meeting ...

...will someone ask what is the correct style (aka the correct form to be printed in the newspaper) for old dirty bastard.

i don't like any other synonyms for random.

1. can't get the chorus of this song out of my head.
2. checked out rolling stone's 500 greatest songs of all time. they may have not liked eminem when he first came out, but they are sooo on his jock now. two of his songs are in the top 500 of all time and are the most recent songs in the countdown. i know that a lot of recent songs are a whole lot of dreck, but there's some better stuff out there than em. i'm not a hater, i like most of his music, but c'mon. "stan" and "lose yourself" are two of the best songs ever? no jay-a on the list? no run-dmc? no mos def? sheesh. further proof that rolling stone has something going on with eminem: they gave stankin encore (and i do mean stankin, excluding "mosh") four stars! that almost pisses me off more than hearing rock stations play eminem.
3. going through another one of my "i miss my homies" phase. "homies" include not only my close friends, but also my family. i'm horrible about calling people on the regular, so i feel hypocritical calling and yelling to my friends, "why haven't you called me??!"
4. dr. b, who are you? i see you left a comment on one of my posts and i wanted to return the favor, but you have a private profile. yoo hoo... who are you, mystery poster?
5. i'm thinking of joining a knitting group.
6. sid, you make me laugh. i about died when i read your whole thing about making up holidays to eat meat, especially when you said:
"Oh, it's be kind to your news delivery person day! Break out the rack of lamb!"
lol. you are too much girl.
7. my fellow metpro homie has a blog now! yaaay
8. as evidenced by this blog entry, i can't stop slacking. i just can't.
9. a festivus for the rest of us! tee hee.
10. can anyone tell me how to do the "more" feature on my posts (you know, where it hides part of your post and you click the "more" link to reveal the rest of it?)?